Dear Oprah

I was watching your Sunday Soul and you were talking with a woman, I've never heard about her, who lost her husband from a heart attack and apparently she wrote a book about her experience.
Well, I lost my husband from a heart attack 21 years ago I can't say for sure if I will ever recover from that experience.
I was 38 years old. He was my best friend. He was the love of my life.
My son was 9 and my daughter was 7 and God, it was so so hard to raise them alone.
Now, as I've already told you, my children live in North America. My son in Canada and my daughter in the USA.
My daughter is pregnant and it's something wonderful and terrifying at the same time because I can't move to the USA and how am I suppose to live far from my grandchild?
I cant live in the USA with $1,500/month. How am I going to pay for Health Insurance?
What kind of job can I get being 60 years old?
My job as a translator allows me to have a good life here in Brazil where I don't pay rent because my mom left me this appartment (or half of it as my brother is entitled to the other half) and considering that I don't spend much I can live a well.
But if I move to the USA I'll need to earn more.
I don't want to live with my daughter. My son-in-law is an angel but it would be too hard for him and also I've been completely alone for 2 years now and I do love living my life by myself.
I love the freedom to go to bed anytime I want and waking up late or early.
I love being able to eat when I want, to go out without having to explain where I'm going or when I'm coming back.
So I think I'll have to live far from my grandchild and spend all my money on airplane tickets.
And I thank God for my health, for being able to work a lot to buy those tickets.
Anyway, I'm sure that God will find a way to always help me.
I used to be so anxious but now I've learned to put my life in God's hands and trust.
Love you Oprah.
Gisela

Dear Oprah

I know I abandoned my blog.
I went to the USA and after that to Canada to visit my son.
It was good visiting them but I was also so weird.
My son erected a wall around him and it is as only his wife can get into his heart.
I feel really sorry for him but there's nothing I can do.
And then I came back home and I had a huge problem with one of the agencies I work for and, well, things are a little difficult on the money side.
As always when I don't have 3 tons of work I am depressed.
I don't have many friends, and I am always so lonely.

Dear Oprah

It's been a while.
Thank God it's because I have so much work that I don't have time to do anything else.
Even sleep.
It doesn't mean that I am less depressed. I'm just busier.
It scares me the world we live in.
People are so selfish, so egoist and hypocritical.
Why in order to succeed people need to put down those around them?
Why is it so difficult to say "No, I am not going to help you because I don't want to" instead of pretending they are helping but the truth is they are throwing you to the wolves?
Life is a giant mystery to me.
Sometimes I feel that I am not prepared to live in this world. I don't have what's required.
And it's funny because I'm 58 years old.
I hope that you are enjoying summer and some vacations.
Love you

Dear Oprah

Work disappeared again!
So, lots of time to think, what in my case is always a bad thing.
The weather is awful. For us in Brazil it's considered cold.
I have no money, nowhere to go so I watch some movies, read a lot and try not to dive into depression.
I wish I were in Maui.

Dear Oprah

Why has life to be so hard?
Why have we  to suffer this much?
All around we look all we see is people suffering, being attacked.
Animals being tortured, children being abandoned or molested.
I know there are good people too.
I know there is happiness and that we need all these bad things in order to grow up, to evolve into something better, but God, it's hard.
Sometimes I just want to stay in bed and never get up again.
Sometimes I feel so tired of watching the news, looking at news websites that I think about moving to a desert island.
I pray and I pray and I pray over and over and over again but unfortunately I don't feel any relieve.
What can we do?
What else can we do?

Dear Oprah

People usually say TGIF but I prefer TGIMonday.
It was a terrible weekend where the only good thing it was having lots of work.
Every week we have the same hope: it's going to be better.
Well, I surely hope it is.
Haven't heard anything from you lately.
Probably you are at your house in Maui.
God, I wish I had a house there.
I would live there forever.

Dear Oprah

Yesterday I sent a message to my friend saying that I needed a shoulder and if she could meet for a coffee and talk a little bit.
She answered that her daughter was coming to town so it would have to be today.
I said ok and today I waited all day long for her phone call.
Of course, it didn't come.
I texted her asking if she was free and she said that she was at the mall with her daughters and grand-daughter. That she was going home but she was beaten.
That said - she really doesn't care if I am sad and I need somebody to talk to.
That's the history of my life and I just don't get why.
I am the kind of person that if you need me I'll drop everything I'm doing to offer you support.
More and more I come to think that we are all completely alone.
Even said friend.
She has her daughters and grand- daughter and a boyfriend and friends but I am sure that one day she'll feel alone.
Or maybe it's just me.
Maybe I am not a good person as I think I am.
My daughter surely thinks that I am the worst person in the whole world.
Today is my son's birthday.
He lives in Canada and as I told you I was not able to go spend today with him.
So, he bought a camera and put it in the living room and with a kind of software I could be part of his party.
I even sang Happy Birthday with the others guests.
I really miss him.
And I miss my mother.
The thing I want most in life is a lot of money so I can travel everywhere and visit my family and friends all around.