Dear Oprah

Another long, boring holiday.
On Thursday it was holiday here so, as Brazilian people love long weekends here we are. Or should I say, here am I. Alone!
I had a movie to put subtitles in but I did it yesterday and this morning so, long hours doing not much.
On Thursday I went to have lunch with a friend. And it was pretty much what I've done.
I was very sad to see pictures of this friend having a fondue at her place and she didn't invite me.
I should have been used to this now, as I have already told you that I am friend to my friends but they don't reciprocate.
I know, it's not easy to understand me as sometimes I just want to be alone and sometimes I need people but I'll never ever going to ask them.
There was this time in my life, my children were in France and my mom was in São Paulo during Christmas Holidays and I was all by myself.
So I would take a sleeping pill at night, and then in the morning I would feed the dog, get him out to a walk, come back, eat something and take another pill. I would sleep for 6 hours, wake up, feed the dog, play a little with him, eat something and take another pill.
4 days would pass like this.
Today I almost did the same but I had some shopping to do so I went to the supermarket. Later I prepared some food for the week and I watched some TV.
I love the series I follow but they are all out for summer so now I don't really have much to watch.
I read a lot.
I have my books boyfriends, and most my friends are from my books.
When I have nothing to watch or to read I write.
I have a book ready and I am writing a second one.
Nobody will ever read them but it doesn't matter.
They are my friends.
I put on some music and write about lives I would like to be able to live.
It makes me feel special, you know?
Like I have some kind of a secret and my secrets are the characters.
They are human, they are good, they fight and they win.
I don't mind to be a little crazy.
I am a lonely person. I have nobody.
My kids are living their lives. I did everything I had to do for them to succeed and they did it.
Now they have to live their lives the best they can.
That's why I never tell them how lonely I am.
I lie if I have to.
I don't know how but I know that one day something will happen and my life will change.
One day I'll have all the things I deserve.
One day I'll travel the world without a worry in my mind.
One day I'll not feel lonely.
I know this day is coming.
I believe it from the bottom of my heart.
No more pills, no more book friends.
This day is coming.