Dear Oprah

Fortunately, I had a better week.
I have lots of work. The way I like it, more work than I can handle so I don't have time for anything else.
Yeah, I know, it's a way of not thinking but at least I might have money to buy a ticket to visit my son in September.
I had to ask him for money.
God knows how much it was difficult to do so but I really wasn't going to be able to get to the end of the month without his help.
As this week I have a lot of work I'll be able to pay him back by the end of July.
Thank you, Oprah.
People may ask themselves why I thank you. You didn't give me any money or even a word but you always inspire me.
You give me strength because I know there were times when life was really hard on you.
And look at you now!
Love

Dear Oprah

Lately, it has been so hard to just keep living.
Sometimes I wonder if the struggle is ever going to end.
I work. A lot.
I'm not kidding, I work a lot.
Normally 7 days a week. Sometimes 80 hours a week.
I love working. I swear I feel blessed to be able to do what I love.
I love my students and I love to translate.
The only problem is that I can't make a living out of it.
The cost of living here is so expensive that what I earn is not enough.
Even if I don't have a rent to pay and I am alone, what means I only have to provide for myself.
Ok, I have food on my table, I have clothes to put on and a car.
But I am not able to save some money for the rainy days.
I am not able to do little things that most people do: going to the movies, eating out or travelling.
Some of my friends they dream about retirement, I don't.
I don't want to retire.
But I want to be able to have some money invested, I want to travel, I want to be able to visit my kids.
Today I had to ask money to my son and I felt (and I am still feeling) so humiliated!
I don't want my kids to take care of me. I am only 58 years old.
I am not an old woman.
What do I do?
I pray and I try to be positive but I am failing miserably.

Dear Oprah

I've just left a comment on Facebook on your page OWN.
Readings other messages I saw what I already knew: you are loved because you give hope to people.
You always spread a good word. Good feelings.
I've been emotionally very... how can I say it? I've been struggling with depression.
I miss my children.
I can't believe that I am not going to be able to go to Canada to spend my son's 30th birthday with him.
But I have to believe that it's what God wants for me because everything was going right (financially) and suddenly everything started to go wrong.
There are fewer movies to translate so less money.
I did everything I can.
I sent my CV to every company I heard of.
I did all the tests some of these companies sent me.
Some I succeeded and the company hasn't sent me work yet.
Some I failed.
I talked to everyone I know who could indicate a subtitling company.
I tried to get more students.
Brazil's economy is chaotic.
Nobody knows what is going to happen tomorrow.
So, there's no way for me now to go to Canada.
I can't afford the plane ticket and I also have to get a new passport as mine expired and, of course, we have to pay for it
Anyway, that's the only problem I have and I can't complain.
I have enough work to pay for my livelihood.
I have some friends I see from time to time.
I have internet that allows me to talk to my kids on daily basis.
And I have my friend Oprah who takes my hand and guides me to a better state of mind. Who teaches me so much.
Who gives me hope.
I really can't complain.
I am blessed.
I am thankful.
God bless you Oprah.
Love you

Dear Oprah

I've just watched you at The United State of Women interviewing Michelle Obama and I have to say: I love you.
You'll never know me but I you are the friend I wish I had.
And so is Michelle Obama.
And so is every woman who wants to change the world.
The world is such an ugly place today, people are so mean to one another.
People are killing their neighbours,  their friends, the ones there are different from them.
People forgot how to live in peace.
And the ones like you and Michelle and Ellen and Hillary and Giselle and so many other, you are fighting the war of love. With love and work.
You are fighting intolerance with lots of work, of smiles.
People need principles.
Humanity needs principles.
I can't do a lot so I pray.
I pray every day for our world.
I try to spread good words and hope.
I try to be better every day to honour my parents and my kids.
You, Oprah, is the kind of people I want next to me.
God bless you.
Love

Dear Oprah

Another long, boring holiday.
On Thursday it was holiday here so, as Brazilian people love long weekends here we are. Or should I say, here am I. Alone!
I had a movie to put subtitles in but I did it yesterday and this morning so, long hours doing not much.
On Thursday I went to have lunch with a friend. And it was pretty much what I've done.
I was very sad to see pictures of this friend having a fondue at her place and she didn't invite me.
I should have been used to this now, as I have already told you that I am friend to my friends but they don't reciprocate.
I know, it's not easy to understand me as sometimes I just want to be alone and sometimes I need people but I'll never ever going to ask them.
There was this time in my life, my children were in France and my mom was in São Paulo during Christmas Holidays and I was all by myself.
So I would take a sleeping pill at night, and then in the morning I would feed the dog, get him out to a walk, come back, eat something and take another pill. I would sleep for 6 hours, wake up, feed the dog, play a little with him, eat something and take another pill.
4 days would pass like this.
Today I almost did the same but I had some shopping to do so I went to the supermarket. Later I prepared some food for the week and I watched some TV.
I love the series I follow but they are all out for summer so now I don't really have much to watch.
I read a lot.
I have my books boyfriends, and most my friends are from my books.
When I have nothing to watch or to read I write.
I have a book ready and I am writing a second one.
Nobody will ever read them but it doesn't matter.
They are my friends.
I put on some music and write about lives I would like to be able to live.
It makes me feel special, you know?
Like I have some kind of a secret and my secrets are the characters.
They are human, they are good, they fight and they win.
I don't mind to be a little crazy.
I am a lonely person. I have nobody.
My kids are living their lives. I did everything I had to do for them to succeed and they did it.
Now they have to live their lives the best they can.
That's why I never tell them how lonely I am.
I lie if I have to.
I don't know how but I know that one day something will happen and my life will change.
One day I'll have all the things I deserve.
One day I'll travel the world without a worry in my mind.
One day I'll not feel lonely.
I know this day is coming.
I believe it from the bottom of my heart.
No more pills, no more book friends.
This day is coming.

Dear Oprah

I've been sick. Literally. I've got a virus that made me throw up everything I put down my throat. And I've felt tired, so tired that I could sleep all day.
And I've felt sad. So sad.
Sometimes I just don't understand how life goes, how people can be so mean, so cruel.
I normally think that we should help one another, we should always try to do our best to help people around us.
But most of the time I am the only one trying to help people and the ones around me are trying to screw me up.
What am I doing wrong?
Why should life be so difficult:
I pray. God, I pray all the time. I swear Oprah, I try my best all the time but I am so tired.
All I want to do is sit in a corner and cry.
Sometimes I feel so lonely.
Sometimes I feel like God has just forgotten me.
I know it's not true.
I know things eventually are going to turn out just fine but why do I have to struggle so much to have my happy ending?
I don't ask for love. I know that at 58 almost 59 I am never going to find love anymore.
I just want money to travel, money to pay my bills and money to live.
To survive.
Anyway all I should do is be thankful, isn't it?
And I am.
My kids are ok so I should really be thankful.

Dear Oprah

How are you?
Well, May it's here and for me it's a mix of feelings because is the month my daughter got married, 4 years ago and it's the month my mother died, last year.
My daughter's marriage is in a big crisis. I can't blame her. Her husband lost his job two months ago and he is so... slow!
Don't get me wrong, I love him. He is kind, gentle, well educated and he truly loves my daughter but he is the kind of a person who passes his days repeating "I am a failure. Nothing I do goes right. I am not lucky".
My daughter, on the other hand is not a very gentle person, she is harsh sometimes, she is capable of saying all the nasty things you can imagine when she is angry but she isn't picky at all regarding jobs.
She is capable of doing anything to earn her a good living.
She's ambitious and she truly believes that nothing is impossible.
So, she is deceived with her husband.
She wants someone to watch over her and he is proving that he's not this kind of guy.