Dear Oprah,

I wish I could understand how things develop in life, but I don't.

2024 has been a interesting year.

I had to reinvent myself. Again.

I've done that so many times in my life that I believe I was born kind of 30 times.

It isn't enough being me, I have to be the mother, the grandmother, the sister, the friend, the translator, the teacher, the therapist, the listener.

So many "mes" to show to the world almost everyday.

Some days, like today, I wish I could just lie in my bed and not intereact with the world, but it's impossible.

I have classes to give.

 Dear Oprah,

Second time today, wow!

I was thinking about Christmas and how much I don't like this time of the year.

Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of Jesus coming to this world to save us, but I do hate what people have made of this date.

Few people give Jesus a thought during Christmas time.

It's all about presents and people getting around a table and most of the time, people who don't even like each other.

Here in Brazil they eat too much, they think it's more important to dress up and eat a feast and drink a lot.

They got in debt to buy Christmas gifts and not everybody gives money (or food) for those who needs it.

It's all kind of hypocritical, if you want my opinion.

For many years now I spend Christmas eve and day alone.

I used to go to stay with my children during this time of the year, but not only it is horribly expensive to buy tickets but also it's the same think: people pretending they care about one another when they really don't.

My daughter in-laws are not bad but they are not nice either.

I feel like I make them uncomfortable.

And I don't feel comfortable around them as well.

I have to smile and be... nice.

And they give too much presents for the kids.

Too much.

So much so that they don't get to enjoy any.

They are overwhelmed.

It would be nice to have a small Christmas dinner with only us around a table with not too much food and not to many presents and everybody laughing and enjoying each other company.

 Dear Oprah,

Things haven't changed since last time I wrote here, but I guess I have.

Yes, I am still lonely.

Yes, my friends still just call me or come to me when they need something and yes, my daughter is still a huge pain in my ass, but it is like it doesn't matter.

It simply doesn't matter.

All the horrible things my daughter says to me and about me online, is just like white noise.

Sometimes it hurts because life could be so much different, but it isn't and I guess I just come to peace with myself about it.

No matter what I would like my life to be, it is what it is and if I can't say I am happy, at least I can say I am in peace.

I sleep and don't have nightmares.

I go to the gym, I work, I have my students, and my faith and suddenly it is like it is just what I need.

We always want what we can't have.

We think that we know what is best for us, but do we really?

Probably if we could just trust in God, or Divine Power and let things be, it will all come to a better end than if things were as we wished they were.

For the first time in a long, long time, I feel peace in my heart.

 Dear Oprah,

I am so sad that I can't even put it in words.

I neve thought I meant so little to people around me and in fact I mean nothing.

I spent the whole weekend all alone.

If I don't call, nobody calls, if I don't say "Let's have some coffee", nobody thinks of asking me.

It's like I don't exist or I exist only when people need something from me.

Even my so called "best friend". When she's down, when she needs money, or her car breaks on the street or her daughter makes her feel like she is nothing but shit, she's here, at my door.

Now that she's working and her daughter is in a better mood, she goes out with her other friends and not even give me a call.

When am I going to learn, Oprah? When?

All my life I've been the stupid one asking for some love, giving everything I have: my love, my attention, my care, my money, my time.

All my life I've been this person. Stupid!

There's no other word to describe me.

Being good may give us a place in heaven, but here on Earth, it makes us just suffer over and over and over again.

I with I could die.

Why be alive if we mean nothing to anyone?

My kids are living their lives and I am glad they are fine and doing OK.

I don't have anybody near me.

I think about Taylor Swift song "You're on your own kid."

I've been on my own all my life and I am so tired.

 Dear Oprah,

I'd love to know why I mean so little to people that nobody, and I mean NOBODY, calls to know if I am well.

It's like if I desappeared from the Earth people wouldn't even notice.

I mean, my daughter would realize because she calls me from Monday to Friday.

The weekends she is busy with her family and she supposes that if I need her I would call.

My son would take more than a week and just because he would look at the camera in the living room where he sees me come and go.

But my so called friends?

Maybe it would take months for them to notice my absence.

Isn't it funny?

It's always me who calls to know if they are OK, if they need anything.

People are so self centered that they can't see when something is not right with the person right next to them.

My brother? It's been weeks.

But when he isn't doing well he calls me and rents my ears for hours.

For Mother's day my daughter-in-law bought a present and made it delivered here.

Nice, right?

Yeah, the idea was not nice, but it would be much nicer if she had asked me what I wanted/needed, because she sent me pricey soap, body lotion and body splash, and what I really wanted was a bottle (1 liter) of olive oil.

Because olive oil is very expansive here in Brazil right now and she probably spent more in the gift she bought then she would spend if she had bought me the olive oil, and I would be much more happier.

She gave me a gift she would love to receive.

And that's what most people do: they don't care what the other person wants or need. They give what they would like to receive.

Right, the Bible says "Treat other how you would like they treat you" but I do believe it doesn't mean it literally.

Anyway, I feel so lonely and so depressed that I would want to roll into a ball and sleep forever.

Even my dreams are crazy.

Last night I dreamed that I was in a very fancy airport, going somewhere.

It was really fancy and we took the elevator and when down but there there was several WC stalls and in a upper level (like two steps) there was a lounge and it was flooded.

People were literally walking with water on their shins and the strange thing was that the water didn't fall down to the WC stalls.

I decided to use the WC before getting on the plane, but every time I was going to get into a stall someone went before me.

I saw a stall, a big one, on the corner and when I got there there was lots of vegetables on the floor.

Like someone had poured a kitchen trash on the floor.

It was horrible, but I really needed to use the WC and of course, they were not in good shape.

I woke up.

Every night I have crazy dreams.

The other night it was King Charles ice swimming.

I don't know if I am not losing my mind.

Anyway, that's me.

No money, no work, no friends, no love, nothing.

I miss my Vivi.

I love Elena and Gabriel, of course, I love them very much.

But Vivi is my oldest, Vivi makes me laugh and we have that connection.

In fact, to be real, I miss all of them.

 Dear Oprah,

Tá foda!

Eu tento, juro por Deus que eu tento não reclamar, só agradecer, procurar ver o lado bom de tudo, mas tá foda.

As pessoas falam que dinheiro não traz felicidade e realmente ele não traz, ele compra.

Ele compra paz de espírito, ele compra passagem para ver os netos, ele compra comida boa, ele compra presentes para os amigos e filhos dos amigos.

Engraçado que apesar de eu querer bastante ganhar na loteria, eu me conformaria em ter trabalho que me pagasse para poder pagar as coisas que quero e preciso.

É duro a gente chegar aos 66 anos e sentir que não fez muita coisa profissionalmente.

Eu tenho vontade de me encolher em posição fetal e esperar a morte, mas a gente não sabe quando ela vai chegar.

Graças ao bom Deus minha filha está melhor, está trabalhando, está carinhosa, está sendo ela novamente.

Meu genro continua desempregado. Pra ser bem sincera, não sei com que determinação ele está procurando outro emprego.

Pra ele enquanto recebe salário desemprego, está tudo bem.

Ele se mexe quando a água bate na bunda.

Não é má pessoa, na verdade ele é ótima pessoa, só é acomodado.

Estou magoada com meu filho, ele vive na bolha dele e eu sou só um acessório.

Mas nem isso me deixa tão chateada quanto falta de trabalho.

Queria ter uma oração que me acalmasse.

Queria um abraço.

A Rose é aquela pessoa que se eu não procuro, ela não me procura.

A Tereza está enfiada nos problemas dela e não percebe, ou não quer perceber, que eu estou precisando de carinho e atenção.

As outras? Elas não tiram enxergam um palmo adiante do nariz.

Vivemos num mundo egoísta.

Oprah, eu só preciso de trabalho.

Quando eu tenho trabalho aos montes minhas cabeça não me inferniza.

Gostaria tanto que você pudesse me ajudar.

Na verdade, gostaria tanto que alguém pudesse me ajudar.

Dear Oprah

Cada vez menos tenho pessoas para desabafar, então, cara amiga, você vai me ver aqui mais e mais.
Minha neta fez um ano e meu genro quem a pega na creche e fica com ela até minha filha chegar.
Se minha filha tem que trabalhar até mais tarde, o cretino não dá jantar para a menina, só mamadeira.
Ela está com um ano e pesa 7.750 kg. Ou seja, peso de um bebê de 7 meses.
Minha neta, Vivi, adora comer, não é uma criança difícil, que rejeita comida.
Mas ela faz bagunça, faz sujeira, claro.
E ele não suporta então taca a mamadeira.
Outro que sofre lá é o cachorro.
Por que, meu Deus, por que alguém tem um cachorro se não tem tempo para levá-lo passear?
E o pior, ele é de porte médio quase grande, ou seja, é um cachorro que precisa gastar energia.
Por que eles não pegaram um pug, que é um cachorro que não precisa sair de casa?
Eu fico louca da vida.
Me dá uma tristeza imensa pela minha neta, pelo cachorro.
Minha filha fica me implorando para mudar para lá, mas eu não quero.
Não gosto de frio, não gosto de um lugar que o céu é cinza 70% do ano.
Eu gosto da minha vida do jeito que é.
Na verdade, eu adoro a minha vida do jeito que é.
Se é para mudar só quero mais dinheiro para poder viajar de classe executiva.