How are you doing?
Here is a much calmer week but the good news is that my daughter arrives tomorrow.
I am so excited to have her here for 10 days.
We are going to do many things together and we are going to Coldplay concert on the 7th.
It's going to be great.
I am still trying to find a way to visit my son in July.
I don't know how but I know that I really want to go.
Have you ever been in Quebec during summer?
It's wonderful.
Quebec is not a big city so you can walk around pretty easily and visit it in about two days.
There are so many wonderful parks and, of course, the summer festival.
I love the city but I cannot see myself living there.
It's too much like France, you know.
And I like big cities, I like a place more vivid.
It suits my son tough.
He loves being there.
Me? I think it's great to visit but boring to live in.
That's all for now.
Love
quarta-feira, 30 de março de 2016
domingo, 27 de março de 2016
Dear Oprah
Happy Easter!
This is my favorite holiday. Even more than Christmas.
Because if in Christmas we celebrate Jesus being born, Easter means that He died and resuscitated for us.
He gave His life for us and is there something that shows more love than giving your life for somebody?
When I was a kid Easter was much more than chocolate eggs.
On Friday, all the people in my family above 10 years old would fast.
Yeah, my grandpa was adamant about it and we would spend the day trying to be silent and to meditate.
Of course for us, kids, it was hard.
At midnight, those who didn't decide to go to sleep in fast would eat something not very heavy, but sometimes we were so hungry that we would eat and eat and eat.
Saturday was spent playing happily and the women would prepare the feast for Sunday lunch.
On Sunday, first thing in the morning we would go to church. After that we would look for our chocolate eggs and later all the family around the table we would have a wonderful lunch.
Normally there would be lamb but for those who didn't like it there would be plenty of other food.
All my home was decorated in white and yellow.
I tried to keep the tradition until my husband passed away.
He died on Easter week. He was buried on a Tuesday after Easter and later my father-in-law and my mother-in-law both, also died on Easter week but in different years.
Even if I think it's beautiful (and I really do) that all of them died during Easter it is hard for my kids and so we don't celebrate as we used to.
This year is a bit different for me.
In 20 years is the first time I spend Easter without my mom and my children are in different countries.
I'll spend it all alone.
But I am not sad.
No!
I am grateful that we are all in good health and living our lives as happy as we can.
I will prepare a good lunch for me and will prepare some dishes to put on the freezer as my daughter is going to arrive on Thursday.
God bless you dear Oprah and may you have a wonderful day.
Love
This is my favorite holiday. Even more than Christmas.
Because if in Christmas we celebrate Jesus being born, Easter means that He died and resuscitated for us.
He gave His life for us and is there something that shows more love than giving your life for somebody?
When I was a kid Easter was much more than chocolate eggs.
On Friday, all the people in my family above 10 years old would fast.
Yeah, my grandpa was adamant about it and we would spend the day trying to be silent and to meditate.
Of course for us, kids, it was hard.
At midnight, those who didn't decide to go to sleep in fast would eat something not very heavy, but sometimes we were so hungry that we would eat and eat and eat.
Saturday was spent playing happily and the women would prepare the feast for Sunday lunch.
On Sunday, first thing in the morning we would go to church. After that we would look for our chocolate eggs and later all the family around the table we would have a wonderful lunch.
Normally there would be lamb but for those who didn't like it there would be plenty of other food.
All my home was decorated in white and yellow.
I tried to keep the tradition until my husband passed away.
He died on Easter week. He was buried on a Tuesday after Easter and later my father-in-law and my mother-in-law both, also died on Easter week but in different years.
Even if I think it's beautiful (and I really do) that all of them died during Easter it is hard for my kids and so we don't celebrate as we used to.
This year is a bit different for me.
In 20 years is the first time I spend Easter without my mom and my children are in different countries.
I'll spend it all alone.
But I am not sad.
No!
I am grateful that we are all in good health and living our lives as happy as we can.
I will prepare a good lunch for me and will prepare some dishes to put on the freezer as my daughter is going to arrive on Thursday.
God bless you dear Oprah and may you have a wonderful day.
Love
terça-feira, 22 de março de 2016
Dear Oprah
Today somebody asked me how I deal with people who betray my friendship.
I didn't answer because my answer would shock the person. What happens to me is that the person who betrayed me simply stops existing for me.
He/she dies for me.
And not even a death that is going to make me feel sad.
It's like that person has never even taken a part in my life.
When I like somebody I do it with all my heart. I give this person my best. I really invest myself in the friendship.
So, if this person betrays me it shows me that I didn't evaluate him/her well when we first met.
I didn't pay attention to the signs because there are always signs.
Then I try to learn from my mistake and move on.
I am not going to shed a tear for someone who doesn't value my love, my loyalty, my friendship.
It has happened two weeks ago and that's why this person asked me about it today.
Maybe I am a bit hard on how I react but I'm 58 years old. I am too old to waste my time with people who doesn't deserve it.
I didn't answer because my answer would shock the person. What happens to me is that the person who betrayed me simply stops existing for me.
He/she dies for me.
And not even a death that is going to make me feel sad.
It's like that person has never even taken a part in my life.
When I like somebody I do it with all my heart. I give this person my best. I really invest myself in the friendship.
So, if this person betrays me it shows me that I didn't evaluate him/her well when we first met.
I didn't pay attention to the signs because there are always signs.
Then I try to learn from my mistake and move on.
I am not going to shed a tear for someone who doesn't value my love, my loyalty, my friendship.
It has happened two weeks ago and that's why this person asked me about it today.
Maybe I am a bit hard on how I react but I'm 58 years old. I am too old to waste my time with people who doesn't deserve it.
segunda-feira, 21 de março de 2016
Dear Oprah
I haven't talked to you the last days and, unfortunately, it was not because I was busy with work. On the contrary, only students, but I was a little too down to write.
No, I still don't have work but I am sure I've done everything in my power so now it's up to God.
I sit down and wait and while waiting I take care of my house, myself and my dog.
In 9 days my daughter will be here.
Isn't it wonderful?
I started doing a journal for all my blessings and also meditating.
I don't want to take medicine for depression anymore.
You know, it's frightening not knowing if I am going to have money to pay my bills. It's easier said than done to believe and let everything in God's hands and not worry, but I swear I am trying.
Another problem that makes me sad is Jack, my dog.
He is old and has problems on his back paws. Sometimes he just can't walk and crawls and it is a terrible thing to see.
This isn't the only problem he has. He has problems in his eyes and he has a poor hearing.
But he is still happy, and joyful and I just don't have the heart to put him to sleep.
Sometimes I wish I had somebody to help me take decisions but...there's nobody.
The other day I was thinking - if I die here it can take days for people to realize I am dead.
Some days I just don't leave the house so it's normal for my neighbours and the concierge not seeing me for two or three days.
My friends, they normally talk to me on the weekends.
Ok, if it is a class day my students are going to realize something is wrong but I don't know what they could do.
Also, my daughter she calls me every day. I have to send her my friends phone number so people can try to get in.
Not that I believe I am going to die soon, but... we never know.
Yesterday I saw a video you published on FB and you said you were in Chicago.
Have you not moved yet or are you going to live in Colorado and Chicago alternating?
Or maybe it was just a recorded video you had done a long time ago.
Here in Brazil, we are still having so many problems in politics that it is hard to believe things are going to change anytime soon.
I went to the streets with many other people to protest against the government.
We do need things to change or we are not going to see out economy getting better anymore.
President Obama is in Cuba.
What a progress you American people have made these last years in the matters of relationship with countries you had problems with.
First Russia, now Cuba.
I hope from the bottom of my heart that you are not going to have Trump as president because he will destroy everything president Clinton and Obama made.
Anyway, I am not an expert in politics.
Oprah, I hope you have a wonderful week.
God bless you.
No, I still don't have work but I am sure I've done everything in my power so now it's up to God.
I sit down and wait and while waiting I take care of my house, myself and my dog.
In 9 days my daughter will be here.
Isn't it wonderful?
I started doing a journal for all my blessings and also meditating.
I don't want to take medicine for depression anymore.
You know, it's frightening not knowing if I am going to have money to pay my bills. It's easier said than done to believe and let everything in God's hands and not worry, but I swear I am trying.
Another problem that makes me sad is Jack, my dog.
He is old and has problems on his back paws. Sometimes he just can't walk and crawls and it is a terrible thing to see.
This isn't the only problem he has. He has problems in his eyes and he has a poor hearing.
But he is still happy, and joyful and I just don't have the heart to put him to sleep.
Sometimes I wish I had somebody to help me take decisions but...there's nobody.
The other day I was thinking - if I die here it can take days for people to realize I am dead.
Some days I just don't leave the house so it's normal for my neighbours and the concierge not seeing me for two or three days.
My friends, they normally talk to me on the weekends.
Ok, if it is a class day my students are going to realize something is wrong but I don't know what they could do.
Also, my daughter she calls me every day. I have to send her my friends phone number so people can try to get in.
Not that I believe I am going to die soon, but... we never know.
Yesterday I saw a video you published on FB and you said you were in Chicago.
Have you not moved yet or are you going to live in Colorado and Chicago alternating?
Or maybe it was just a recorded video you had done a long time ago.
Here in Brazil, we are still having so many problems in politics that it is hard to believe things are going to change anytime soon.
I went to the streets with many other people to protest against the government.
We do need things to change or we are not going to see out economy getting better anymore.
President Obama is in Cuba.
What a progress you American people have made these last years in the matters of relationship with countries you had problems with.
First Russia, now Cuba.
I hope from the bottom of my heart that you are not going to have Trump as president because he will destroy everything president Clinton and Obama made.
Anyway, I am not an expert in politics.
Oprah, I hope you have a wonderful week.
God bless you.
quinta-feira, 17 de março de 2016
Dear Oprah
Things are pretty bad here in Brazil.
I am very depressed despite trying very hard not to be.
I pray and pray and pray because there's nothing else to do.
Translations are very sparse and I have money issues. As long as I can I don't leave home so I am not going to spend any money.
But for me, the worse is feeling useless. When I work I don't have time to worry or to feel anything.
But I am trying to be positive. Praying and reading good books.
Yesterday I went to my student's home and I feel so sad for him because he's going to be forced (because of the economy) to leave his fiancée here and move back to his hometown, which is quite far.
They are wonderful people and I love them dearly.
Also, my friend in San Diego is having a hard time. Her dog died and her husband is travelling abroad do she has to deal with her three grieving kids alone.
The older kids (11 and 8) can understand but her 3-year-old boy...
I guess we are all having a hard time lately.
What makes me even more sad is that without money I am not going to visit my son.
I miss him so much.
He gives me the best hug a mother could ask.
When he hugs me I feel like nothing bad can touch me.
In fact, I think that it's like when his father hugged me.
Sometimes all we need is a hug, isn't it?
I have a trick, tough.
I close my eyes and imagine Jesus hugging me.
Jesus taking me in his arms and making me feel better.
Assuring me that everything is going turn out fine.
And it is.
I am very depressed despite trying very hard not to be.
I pray and pray and pray because there's nothing else to do.
Translations are very sparse and I have money issues. As long as I can I don't leave home so I am not going to spend any money.
But for me, the worse is feeling useless. When I work I don't have time to worry or to feel anything.
But I am trying to be positive. Praying and reading good books.
Yesterday I went to my student's home and I feel so sad for him because he's going to be forced (because of the economy) to leave his fiancée here and move back to his hometown, which is quite far.
They are wonderful people and I love them dearly.
Also, my friend in San Diego is having a hard time. Her dog died and her husband is travelling abroad do she has to deal with her three grieving kids alone.
The older kids (11 and 8) can understand but her 3-year-old boy...
I guess we are all having a hard time lately.
What makes me even more sad is that without money I am not going to visit my son.
I miss him so much.
He gives me the best hug a mother could ask.
When he hugs me I feel like nothing bad can touch me.
In fact, I think that it's like when his father hugged me.
Sometimes all we need is a hug, isn't it?
I have a trick, tough.
I close my eyes and imagine Jesus hugging me.
Jesus taking me in his arms and making me feel better.
Assuring me that everything is going turn out fine.
And it is.
sexta-feira, 11 de março de 2016
Dear Oprah
There are some things I am jealous of you.
For example, you've got to know some incredible people personally, like Bill and Hillary Clinton, Ellen DeGeneres, Stevie Wonder, Paul McCartney and I don't know if you have met James Taylor and Carly Simon but if you did I am certainly even more jealous.
But, the people you've met and see frequently that I envy the most are President Barack Obama and the First Lady Michelle Obama.
I deeply admire them not only because they are the President and the First Lady but mostly because the people they show to be day by day.
Every time I see President Obama speak I think:"Why I wasn't born in the USA?", "Why can't I have the honor to say that he is "my" president?"
You know, every day I pray for Trump not win the American elections. Your people don't deserve I jerk like him.
America does not deserve a clown as president.
Here in Brazil, we are so screwed.
The worst feeling is that we cannot see the end of the tunnel. It is like we are always going to be this country full of possibilities administered by thieves who are empowered by people who just don't care.
I wish I could just go away.
Every day I thank God that my kids they were able to run away. To find a better place to live; a place where they can develop themselves.
Another weekend is coming.
Tomorrow my friends that's the double wedding I told you about.
I don't want to go but I am going anyway.
It's my God-daughter and I love her and I love her family so...
For example, you've got to know some incredible people personally, like Bill and Hillary Clinton, Ellen DeGeneres, Stevie Wonder, Paul McCartney and I don't know if you have met James Taylor and Carly Simon but if you did I am certainly even more jealous.
But, the people you've met and see frequently that I envy the most are President Barack Obama and the First Lady Michelle Obama.
I deeply admire them not only because they are the President and the First Lady but mostly because the people they show to be day by day.
Every time I see President Obama speak I think:"Why I wasn't born in the USA?", "Why can't I have the honor to say that he is "my" president?"
You know, every day I pray for Trump not win the American elections. Your people don't deserve I jerk like him.
America does not deserve a clown as president.
Here in Brazil, we are so screwed.
The worst feeling is that we cannot see the end of the tunnel. It is like we are always going to be this country full of possibilities administered by thieves who are empowered by people who just don't care.
I wish I could just go away.
Every day I thank God that my kids they were able to run away. To find a better place to live; a place where they can develop themselves.
Another weekend is coming.
Tomorrow my friends that's the double wedding I told you about.
I don't want to go but I am going anyway.
It's my God-daughter and I love her and I love her family so...
quinta-feira, 10 de março de 2016
Dear Oprah
It's been a while since the last time I felt paralyzed by fear.
Yes, it happened before and it is happening now.
I don't know how to live without a thousand things to get done at the same time and no translation, few students, no money, and the weight ever problem.
Is it going to be different at least once in my life?
If only I had money I would travel.
Yes, I would go to Quebec right now visit my son.
It's funny because last year, this time, I was struggling to make my mom healthy, comfortable. I was like crazy going from a doctor to another.
She wouldn't eat and we tried everything.
I would work as crazy and yet prepare for her the soup she loved.
It was hard. It was terrible.
Sometimes I feel like my life went from super fast to too calm and I really don't know what to do.
Most of the time I don't know what to do.
I tried praying. I ask God to show me a way but nothing comes. I know He is answering me but I don't know how to listen. Or maybe I don't know how to decoded his message.
Sometimes I hate being me.
I've been alone for so long, taking my decisions all by myself, without anyone to help find the good path.
And I'm getting old. How am I supposed to star anew for the hundredth time at 58?
I don't know.
Pray for me Oprah.
Pray for me!
Yes, it happened before and it is happening now.
I don't know how to live without a thousand things to get done at the same time and no translation, few students, no money, and the weight ever problem.
Is it going to be different at least once in my life?
If only I had money I would travel.
Yes, I would go to Quebec right now visit my son.
It's funny because last year, this time, I was struggling to make my mom healthy, comfortable. I was like crazy going from a doctor to another.
She wouldn't eat and we tried everything.
I would work as crazy and yet prepare for her the soup she loved.
It was hard. It was terrible.
Sometimes I feel like my life went from super fast to too calm and I really don't know what to do.
Most of the time I don't know what to do.
I tried praying. I ask God to show me a way but nothing comes. I know He is answering me but I don't know how to listen. Or maybe I don't know how to decoded his message.
Sometimes I hate being me.
I've been alone for so long, taking my decisions all by myself, without anyone to help find the good path.
And I'm getting old. How am I supposed to star anew for the hundredth time at 58?
I don't know.
Pray for me Oprah.
Pray for me!
terça-feira, 8 de março de 2016
Dear Oprah
I'm sad!
I am very very sad.
On Saturday my God-daughter and her sister are getting married. They are my dear friends' daughters and, of course, I am invited.
Buta I am fat.
I am obese.
I have nothing to wear and even when I find something I look like a mattress with a rope in the middle.
It's so unfair.
I don't eat a lot. I swear.
I don't eat hamburgers and french fries on a regular basis, only occasionally. I don't eat a loaf of bread, or butter, or even mayo.
I love sweets but even that I don't eat as a crazy person.
I don't eat a box of chocolate.
Not even a bar.
Ok, I don't exercise. I hate exercises and I am lazy.
I have a slow metabolism and I should eat as a bird for not exercising and don't be fat.
As I told you before I am a widow, my kids live in another country, my mother passed away last year and I have few friends.
I love my life. It's not a burden for me to be single or to be alone.
I love reading and watching movies and I do love my work as a translator and as a teacher.
So I don't understand why I have to be so fat.
Why do I have to pay this price?
I tried everything and of course, for a while, it works.
WW? Yes, I tried.
And medicine and all the crazy diets you can imagine.
The only thing I've never tried was to spend the day in the gym.
My arms are like a mass of cellulite and my thighs... They look like an old tree with all the trunk full of nodes.
I guess I have cellulite even in my brain.
So, yes, I am unhappy. I am disgusted of myself, I am sad and desperate.
And on Saturday I probably won't go to the wedding. I probably will stay home feeling miserable.
My mother used to say that I have breasts on my back.
I love her but she could be mean.
She used to say that I shouldn't wear white from head to toe because I would look like a refrigerator.
Before getting married I was on a diet so strict that I was extremely thin in order to be able to wear my wedding dress and not look like one
I am very very sad.
On Saturday my God-daughter and her sister are getting married. They are my dear friends' daughters and, of course, I am invited.
Buta I am fat.
I am obese.
I have nothing to wear and even when I find something I look like a mattress with a rope in the middle.
It's so unfair.
I don't eat a lot. I swear.
I don't eat hamburgers and french fries on a regular basis, only occasionally. I don't eat a loaf of bread, or butter, or even mayo.
I love sweets but even that I don't eat as a crazy person.
I don't eat a box of chocolate.
Not even a bar.
Ok, I don't exercise. I hate exercises and I am lazy.
I have a slow metabolism and I should eat as a bird for not exercising and don't be fat.
As I told you before I am a widow, my kids live in another country, my mother passed away last year and I have few friends.
I love my life. It's not a burden for me to be single or to be alone.
I love reading and watching movies and I do love my work as a translator and as a teacher.
So I don't understand why I have to be so fat.
Why do I have to pay this price?
I tried everything and of course, for a while, it works.
WW? Yes, I tried.
And medicine and all the crazy diets you can imagine.
The only thing I've never tried was to spend the day in the gym.
My arms are like a mass of cellulite and my thighs... They look like an old tree with all the trunk full of nodes.
I guess I have cellulite even in my brain.
So, yes, I am unhappy. I am disgusted of myself, I am sad and desperate.
And on Saturday I probably won't go to the wedding. I probably will stay home feeling miserable.
My mother used to say that I have breasts on my back.
I love her but she could be mean.
She used to say that I shouldn't wear white from head to toe because I would look like a refrigerator.
Before getting married I was on a diet so strict that I was extremely thin in order to be able to wear my wedding dress and not look like one
segunda-feira, 7 de março de 2016
Dear Oprah
You have no idea what it is to live in a country where you know you are being robbed by those who were supposed to provide you education, health, a home.
We pay our taxes and they just make schemes to pick our money as if we didn't need it.
It's disgusting.
I live constantly in fear of how am I going to live tomorrow.
I don't have fancy clothes or shoes and I don't care. I really don't.
But I would love to have money to visit my son.
I told you I miss him so much.
My daughter is coming visit me by the end of the month.
I can't wait to hug and kiss my baby girl.
She's a brave young woman. I admire her a lot.
She's so much smarter than I am.
And I love my son in law so much! He's a wonderful husband and I'm sure he's going to be a great daddy one day.
Yes, you guessed right. I don't have any translation to do today and I am here, struggling not to go to the kitchen and eat something I should not.
How hard it is to be on a diet.
I hate dieting. I hate not being able to eat whatever I want and drink and just be happy.
Tell me, what do I have left?
I have no money, few friends, my kids are living far from me, something a don't have much work so...what do I have for me instead of eating?
Sometimes life sucks.
We pay our taxes and they just make schemes to pick our money as if we didn't need it.
It's disgusting.
I live constantly in fear of how am I going to live tomorrow.
I don't have fancy clothes or shoes and I don't care. I really don't.
But I would love to have money to visit my son.
I told you I miss him so much.
My daughter is coming visit me by the end of the month.
I can't wait to hug and kiss my baby girl.
She's a brave young woman. I admire her a lot.
She's so much smarter than I am.
And I love my son in law so much! He's a wonderful husband and I'm sure he's going to be a great daddy one day.
Yes, you guessed right. I don't have any translation to do today and I am here, struggling not to go to the kitchen and eat something I should not.
How hard it is to be on a diet.
I hate dieting. I hate not being able to eat whatever I want and drink and just be happy.
Tell me, what do I have left?
I have no money, few friends, my kids are living far from me, something a don't have much work so...what do I have for me instead of eating?
Sometimes life sucks.
domingo, 6 de março de 2016
Dear Oprah
It's been a while but as you know I was working.
I was working but not enough.
Not enough to keep me from my thoughts, not enough to bury me under the craziness of deadlines that I love.
You know why I love it, don't you?
The more I have free time the more I feel lonely.
I am fat. Obese. My friends always want to go out to eat something or drink something which is going to make me fatter.
I miss my children.
Especially my son. Because I talk to my daughter every day and even if I talk to my son on the phone is not the same.
He needs some time to open up.When we are alone, maybe drinking some beer or wine and smoking a cigarette. Then he'll open up.
I also have money problems.
I work and work and work and I swear to God that I don't buy clothes, shoes, nothing fancy. I only buy food and dog food and pay the bills for the house and when I look all my money is gone.
I would like to travel.
I was thinking what would it be like to be you.
To be able to say: "I'm bored so I'm going to Thailand for a few days".
You can do that. You have more than enough money to do that.
You also have lots of projects that consume your time.
And a husband.
It's funny because maybe you love your husband but I don't feel you do.
I'd say he's more a good friend you live with than a husband but what do I know?
I have never been in the same room with you.
Anyway, you have a husband, and dogs, and houses, and projects, and probably lots of friends and family.
You are not the big fat teacher/translator from nowhere in Brazil who spends her free time writing a silly blog nobody reads.
Yet, it helps me put things in perspective.
Tomorrow will be another day.
Maybe with some more bills to pay, maybe with some more work.
But as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow I will still be lonely.
I was working but not enough.
Not enough to keep me from my thoughts, not enough to bury me under the craziness of deadlines that I love.
You know why I love it, don't you?
The more I have free time the more I feel lonely.
I am fat. Obese. My friends always want to go out to eat something or drink something which is going to make me fatter.
I miss my children.
Especially my son. Because I talk to my daughter every day and even if I talk to my son on the phone is not the same.
He needs some time to open up.When we are alone, maybe drinking some beer or wine and smoking a cigarette. Then he'll open up.
I also have money problems.
I work and work and work and I swear to God that I don't buy clothes, shoes, nothing fancy. I only buy food and dog food and pay the bills for the house and when I look all my money is gone.
I would like to travel.
I was thinking what would it be like to be you.
To be able to say: "I'm bored so I'm going to Thailand for a few days".
You can do that. You have more than enough money to do that.
You also have lots of projects that consume your time.
And a husband.
It's funny because maybe you love your husband but I don't feel you do.
I'd say he's more a good friend you live with than a husband but what do I know?
I have never been in the same room with you.
Anyway, you have a husband, and dogs, and houses, and projects, and probably lots of friends and family.
You are not the big fat teacher/translator from nowhere in Brazil who spends her free time writing a silly blog nobody reads.
Yet, it helps me put things in perspective.
Tomorrow will be another day.
Maybe with some more bills to pay, maybe with some more work.
But as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow I will still be lonely.
Assinar:
Comentários (Atom)