Dear Oprah

It's been a while since the last time I felt paralyzed by fear.
Yes, it happened before and it is happening now.
I don't know how to live without a thousand things to get done at the same time and no translation, few students, no money, and the weight ever problem.
Is it going to be different at least once in my life?
If only I had money I would travel.
Yes, I would go to Quebec right now visit my son.
It's funny because last year, this time, I was struggling to make my mom healthy, comfortable. I was like crazy going from a doctor to another.
She wouldn't eat and we tried everything.
I would work as crazy and yet prepare for her the soup she loved.
It was hard. It was terrible.
Sometimes I feel like my life went from super fast to too calm and I really don't know what to do.
Most of the time I don't know what to do.
I tried praying. I ask God to show me a way but nothing comes. I know He is answering me but I don't know how to listen. Or maybe I don't know how to decoded his message.
Sometimes I hate being me.
I've been alone for so long, taking my decisions all by myself, without anyone to help find the good path.
And I'm getting old. How am I supposed to star anew for the hundredth time at 58?
I don't know.
Pray for me Oprah.
Pray for me!