Dear Oprah

I know I abandoned my blog.
I went to the USA and after that to Canada to visit my son.
It was good visiting them but I was also so weird.
My son erected a wall around him and it is as only his wife can get into his heart.
I feel really sorry for him but there's nothing I can do.
And then I came back home and I had a huge problem with one of the agencies I work for and, well, things are a little difficult on the money side.
As always when I don't have 3 tons of work I am depressed.
I don't have many friends, and I am always so lonely.

Dear Oprah

It's been a while.
Thank God it's because I have so much work that I don't have time to do anything else.
Even sleep.
It doesn't mean that I am less depressed. I'm just busier.
It scares me the world we live in.
People are so selfish, so egoist and hypocritical.
Why in order to succeed people need to put down those around them?
Why is it so difficult to say "No, I am not going to help you because I don't want to" instead of pretending they are helping but the truth is they are throwing you to the wolves?
Life is a giant mystery to me.
Sometimes I feel that I am not prepared to live in this world. I don't have what's required.
And it's funny because I'm 58 years old.
I hope that you are enjoying summer and some vacations.
Love you

Dear Oprah

Work disappeared again!
So, lots of time to think, what in my case is always a bad thing.
The weather is awful. For us in Brazil it's considered cold.
I have no money, nowhere to go so I watch some movies, read a lot and try not to dive into depression.
I wish I were in Maui.

Dear Oprah

Why has life to be so hard?
Why have we  to suffer this much?
All around we look all we see is people suffering, being attacked.
Animals being tortured, children being abandoned or molested.
I know there are good people too.
I know there is happiness and that we need all these bad things in order to grow up, to evolve into something better, but God, it's hard.
Sometimes I just want to stay in bed and never get up again.
Sometimes I feel so tired of watching the news, looking at news websites that I think about moving to a desert island.
I pray and I pray and I pray over and over and over again but unfortunately I don't feel any relieve.
What can we do?
What else can we do?

Dear Oprah

People usually say TGIF but I prefer TGIMonday.
It was a terrible weekend where the only good thing it was having lots of work.
Every week we have the same hope: it's going to be better.
Well, I surely hope it is.
Haven't heard anything from you lately.
Probably you are at your house in Maui.
God, I wish I had a house there.
I would live there forever.

Dear Oprah

Yesterday I sent a message to my friend saying that I needed a shoulder and if she could meet for a coffee and talk a little bit.
She answered that her daughter was coming to town so it would have to be today.
I said ok and today I waited all day long for her phone call.
Of course, it didn't come.
I texted her asking if she was free and she said that she was at the mall with her daughters and grand-daughter. That she was going home but she was beaten.
That said - she really doesn't care if I am sad and I need somebody to talk to.
That's the history of my life and I just don't get why.
I am the kind of person that if you need me I'll drop everything I'm doing to offer you support.
More and more I come to think that we are all completely alone.
Even said friend.
She has her daughters and grand- daughter and a boyfriend and friends but I am sure that one day she'll feel alone.
Or maybe it's just me.
Maybe I am not a good person as I think I am.
My daughter surely thinks that I am the worst person in the whole world.
Today is my son's birthday.
He lives in Canada and as I told you I was not able to go spend today with him.
So, he bought a camera and put it in the living room and with a kind of software I could be part of his party.
I even sang Happy Birthday with the others guests.
I really miss him.
And I miss my mother.
The thing I want most in life is a lot of money so I can travel everywhere and visit my family and friends all around.

Dear Oprah

I've been working like crazy.
I'm not complaining, I swear!
Finally, there are some good episodes of American series to translate and also some of Brazilian ones to translate to English.
Unfortunately, money is still short but... It's a matter of time.
I am really sad with my daughter.
She is verbally abusive to me every time she has any problem and I am fed up to be mistreated by her.
She thinks that because she is stressed everybody around her has to cope with her mood.
I really don't know how her husband can bear it.
So, I'm not talking to her until she apologises and starts to really pay attention to the way she treats me.
It's not fair.
I'm sure I am a good mother.
I did my best to raise both of them and I am not perfect but I really gave them everything I had in me.
Sometimes I suffer because I live far from them, but... Sometimes I consider it a blessing.
God knows better, right?
Love

Dear Oprah

Have you ever wanted to shout "Fuck" to the world?
Well, today is one of these days.

Dear Oprah

Fortunately, I had a better week.
I have lots of work. The way I like it, more work than I can handle so I don't have time for anything else.
Yeah, I know, it's a way of not thinking but at least I might have money to buy a ticket to visit my son in September.
I had to ask him for money.
God knows how much it was difficult to do so but I really wasn't going to be able to get to the end of the month without his help.
As this week I have a lot of work I'll be able to pay him back by the end of July.
Thank you, Oprah.
People may ask themselves why I thank you. You didn't give me any money or even a word but you always inspire me.
You give me strength because I know there were times when life was really hard on you.
And look at you now!
Love

Dear Oprah

Lately, it has been so hard to just keep living.
Sometimes I wonder if the struggle is ever going to end.
I work. A lot.
I'm not kidding, I work a lot.
Normally 7 days a week. Sometimes 80 hours a week.
I love working. I swear I feel blessed to be able to do what I love.
I love my students and I love to translate.
The only problem is that I can't make a living out of it.
The cost of living here is so expensive that what I earn is not enough.
Even if I don't have a rent to pay and I am alone, what means I only have to provide for myself.
Ok, I have food on my table, I have clothes to put on and a car.
But I am not able to save some money for the rainy days.
I am not able to do little things that most people do: going to the movies, eating out or travelling.
Some of my friends they dream about retirement, I don't.
I don't want to retire.
But I want to be able to have some money invested, I want to travel, I want to be able to visit my kids.
Today I had to ask money to my son and I felt (and I am still feeling) so humiliated!
I don't want my kids to take care of me. I am only 58 years old.
I am not an old woman.
What do I do?
I pray and I try to be positive but I am failing miserably.

Dear Oprah

I've just left a comment on Facebook on your page OWN.
Readings other messages I saw what I already knew: you are loved because you give hope to people.
You always spread a good word. Good feelings.
I've been emotionally very... how can I say it? I've been struggling with depression.
I miss my children.
I can't believe that I am not going to be able to go to Canada to spend my son's 30th birthday with him.
But I have to believe that it's what God wants for me because everything was going right (financially) and suddenly everything started to go wrong.
There are fewer movies to translate so less money.
I did everything I can.
I sent my CV to every company I heard of.
I did all the tests some of these companies sent me.
Some I succeeded and the company hasn't sent me work yet.
Some I failed.
I talked to everyone I know who could indicate a subtitling company.
I tried to get more students.
Brazil's economy is chaotic.
Nobody knows what is going to happen tomorrow.
So, there's no way for me now to go to Canada.
I can't afford the plane ticket and I also have to get a new passport as mine expired and, of course, we have to pay for it
Anyway, that's the only problem I have and I can't complain.
I have enough work to pay for my livelihood.
I have some friends I see from time to time.
I have internet that allows me to talk to my kids on daily basis.
And I have my friend Oprah who takes my hand and guides me to a better state of mind. Who teaches me so much.
Who gives me hope.
I really can't complain.
I am blessed.
I am thankful.
God bless you Oprah.
Love you

Dear Oprah

I've just watched you at The United State of Women interviewing Michelle Obama and I have to say: I love you.
You'll never know me but I you are the friend I wish I had.
And so is Michelle Obama.
And so is every woman who wants to change the world.
The world is such an ugly place today, people are so mean to one another.
People are killing their neighbours,  their friends, the ones there are different from them.
People forgot how to live in peace.
And the ones like you and Michelle and Ellen and Hillary and Giselle and so many other, you are fighting the war of love. With love and work.
You are fighting intolerance with lots of work, of smiles.
People need principles.
Humanity needs principles.
I can't do a lot so I pray.
I pray every day for our world.
I try to spread good words and hope.
I try to be better every day to honour my parents and my kids.
You, Oprah, is the kind of people I want next to me.
God bless you.
Love

Dear Oprah

Another long, boring holiday.
On Thursday it was holiday here so, as Brazilian people love long weekends here we are. Or should I say, here am I. Alone!
I had a movie to put subtitles in but I did it yesterday and this morning so, long hours doing not much.
On Thursday I went to have lunch with a friend. And it was pretty much what I've done.
I was very sad to see pictures of this friend having a fondue at her place and she didn't invite me.
I should have been used to this now, as I have already told you that I am friend to my friends but they don't reciprocate.
I know, it's not easy to understand me as sometimes I just want to be alone and sometimes I need people but I'll never ever going to ask them.
There was this time in my life, my children were in France and my mom was in São Paulo during Christmas Holidays and I was all by myself.
So I would take a sleeping pill at night, and then in the morning I would feed the dog, get him out to a walk, come back, eat something and take another pill. I would sleep for 6 hours, wake up, feed the dog, play a little with him, eat something and take another pill.
4 days would pass like this.
Today I almost did the same but I had some shopping to do so I went to the supermarket. Later I prepared some food for the week and I watched some TV.
I love the series I follow but they are all out for summer so now I don't really have much to watch.
I read a lot.
I have my books boyfriends, and most my friends are from my books.
When I have nothing to watch or to read I write.
I have a book ready and I am writing a second one.
Nobody will ever read them but it doesn't matter.
They are my friends.
I put on some music and write about lives I would like to be able to live.
It makes me feel special, you know?
Like I have some kind of a secret and my secrets are the characters.
They are human, they are good, they fight and they win.
I don't mind to be a little crazy.
I am a lonely person. I have nobody.
My kids are living their lives. I did everything I had to do for them to succeed and they did it.
Now they have to live their lives the best they can.
That's why I never tell them how lonely I am.
I lie if I have to.
I don't know how but I know that one day something will happen and my life will change.
One day I'll have all the things I deserve.
One day I'll travel the world without a worry in my mind.
One day I'll not feel lonely.
I know this day is coming.
I believe it from the bottom of my heart.
No more pills, no more book friends.
This day is coming.

Dear Oprah

I've been sick. Literally. I've got a virus that made me throw up everything I put down my throat. And I've felt tired, so tired that I could sleep all day.
And I've felt sad. So sad.
Sometimes I just don't understand how life goes, how people can be so mean, so cruel.
I normally think that we should help one another, we should always try to do our best to help people around us.
But most of the time I am the only one trying to help people and the ones around me are trying to screw me up.
What am I doing wrong?
Why should life be so difficult:
I pray. God, I pray all the time. I swear Oprah, I try my best all the time but I am so tired.
All I want to do is sit in a corner and cry.
Sometimes I feel so lonely.
Sometimes I feel like God has just forgotten me.
I know it's not true.
I know things eventually are going to turn out just fine but why do I have to struggle so much to have my happy ending?
I don't ask for love. I know that at 58 almost 59 I am never going to find love anymore.
I just want money to travel, money to pay my bills and money to live.
To survive.
Anyway all I should do is be thankful, isn't it?
And I am.
My kids are ok so I should really be thankful.

Dear Oprah

How are you?
Well, May it's here and for me it's a mix of feelings because is the month my daughter got married, 4 years ago and it's the month my mother died, last year.
My daughter's marriage is in a big crisis. I can't blame her. Her husband lost his job two months ago and he is so... slow!
Don't get me wrong, I love him. He is kind, gentle, well educated and he truly loves my daughter but he is the kind of a person who passes his days repeating "I am a failure. Nothing I do goes right. I am not lucky".
My daughter, on the other hand is not a very gentle person, she is harsh sometimes, she is capable of saying all the nasty things you can imagine when she is angry but she isn't picky at all regarding jobs.
She is capable of doing anything to earn her a good living.
She's ambitious and she truly believes that nothing is impossible.
So, she is deceived with her husband.
She wants someone to watch over her and he is proving that he's not this kind of guy.

Dear Oprah

I've just seen a video at TMZ where you are signing some autographs and the reporter asks you about Kelly Ripa.
It only makes me think one more time that I would love to have you as my actual friend.
You are kind, gentle, a person who isn't afraid to say what you think, but always in the kindest way.
Love

Dear Oprah

I wish I had my mom here with me to give a piece of most needed advice.
Or an Oracle. Or a very sincere friend.
A woman once I called a friend died last night.
She was not much older than me and she died during her sleep.
I like her family and I have good memories from the time we shared together so I believe I should go to her funeral, right?
On the other hand, I haven't seen her or her family for years and when my mother was sick and later when she passed away nor she or her husband or children came to my mom's funeral.
So I ask myself, do I really need to go to hers?
Deep inside me there's this woe that few people cared when my mom was sick and I was all alone taking care of her.
Few people offered me a shoulder to cry or a hand to help me.
And God, how lonely I felt.
But I have to tell you that Selma's husband or children will not be lonely at all.
They are part of that group I was once, PV, and being part of it, they are never going to be alone.
Why am I not part of this group anymore?
Because I felt betrayed by them. It's a long story I don't feel talking about now.
Sometimes I think about if I die suddenly who will attend my funeral and you know? It doesn't matter.
Because those who love me they have to show they love me while I am alive.
They must show my kids that they love them while I am alive.
Later, it is good to know you have friends but it's better to know that your friends where there for you when it mattered.

Dear Oprah

I've just seen a recording where you went to a WW meeting and took everybody by surprise.
I started to cry because oh God, I would like so much to meet you in person and I just don't think this going to happen.
I really really would love to meet you.
I don't know why but you seem to be the kind of person I would like to have as friend.
Today was a hard day with many different emotions mixed but anyway I am grateful because I could do most of the things I needed to do.
It was a real miracle that I did what I did and I thank God.
I really am grateful.
It's something I've learned with the book The Magic, to be thankful for all the things everytime, everyday.
So, when something starts to go wrong I say thank you for all the other things that are going well.
Thank you Oprah for being such an inspiration.
Love

Dear Oprah

Yeah, I know it's been a while but my daughter came and I spent 10 amazing days with her.
This week I worked as a crazy woman and I've just arrived from a friend's birthday party.
I have to say: I hate parties.
My daughter said that I am introverted, I think I am anti-social.
Here in Brazil, it is extremally hot so being in a place outdoor without A.C. with the music too loud and lots of people it's really not my cup of tea.
I'd rather stay home, watch a movie or read a book.
Said friend it's 3 times divorced, 58 years old and tonight she introduced us to her new boyfriend.
God, he is the kind of a man I would never look twice.
You know the kind of gooey man?
I am too old to see things like that.
Sometimes I think that I'll end my life as the lady with the cats.
I do prefer cats, dogs, birds, even fishes instead of people.
I know, I am not a nice person.
Love

Dear Oprah

How are you doing?
Here is a much calmer week but the good news is that my daughter arrives tomorrow.
I am so excited to have her here for 10 days.
We are going to do many things together and we are going to Coldplay concert on the 7th.
It's going to be great.
I am still trying to find a way to visit my son in July.
I don't know how but I know that I really want to go.
Have you ever been in Quebec during summer?
It's wonderful.
Quebec is not a big city so you can walk around pretty easily and visit it in about two days.
There are so many wonderful parks and, of course, the summer festival.
I love the city but I cannot see myself living there.
It's too much like France, you know.
And I like big cities, I like a place more vivid.
It suits my son tough.
He loves being there.
Me? I think it's great to visit but boring to live in.
That's all for now.
Love

Dear Oprah

Happy Easter!
This is my favorite holiday. Even more than Christmas.
Because if in Christmas we celebrate Jesus being born, Easter means that He died and resuscitated for us.
He gave His life for us and is there something that shows more love than giving your life for somebody?
When I was a kid Easter was much more than chocolate eggs.
On Friday, all the people in my family above 10 years old would fast.
Yeah, my grandpa was adamant about it and we would spend the day trying to be silent and to meditate.
Of course for us, kids, it was hard.
At midnight, those who didn't decide to go to sleep in fast would eat something not very heavy, but sometimes we were so hungry that we would eat and eat and eat.
Saturday was spent playing happily and the women would prepare the feast for Sunday lunch.
On Sunday, first thing in the morning we would go to church. After that we would look for our chocolate eggs and later all the family around the table we would have a wonderful lunch.
Normally there would be lamb but for those who didn't like it there would be plenty of other food.
All my home was decorated in white and yellow.
I tried to keep the tradition until my husband passed away.
He died on Easter week. He was buried on a Tuesday after Easter and later my father-in-law and my mother-in-law both, also died on Easter week but in different years.
Even if I think it's beautiful (and I really do) that all of them died during Easter it is hard for my kids and so we don't celebrate as we used to.
This year is a bit different for me.
In 20 years is the first time I spend Easter without my mom and my children are in different countries.
I'll spend it all alone.
But I am not sad.
No!
I am grateful that we are all in good health and living our lives as happy as we can.
I will prepare a good lunch for me and will prepare some dishes to put on the freezer as my daughter is going to arrive on Thursday.
God bless you dear Oprah and may you have a wonderful day.
Love

Dear Oprah

Today somebody asked me how I deal with people who betray my friendship.
I didn't answer because my answer would shock the person. What happens to me is that the person who betrayed me simply stops existing for me.
He/she dies for me.
And not even a death that is going to make me feel sad.
It's like that person has never even taken a part in my life.
When I like somebody I do it with all my heart. I give this person my best. I really invest myself in the friendship.
So, if this person betrays me it shows me that I didn't evaluate him/her well when we first met.
I didn't pay attention to the signs because there are always signs.
Then I try to learn from my mistake and move on.
I am not going to shed a tear for someone who doesn't value my love, my loyalty, my friendship.
It has happened two weeks ago and that's why this person asked me about it today.
Maybe I am a bit hard on how I react but I'm 58 years old. I am too old to waste my time with people who doesn't deserve it.

Dear Oprah

I haven't talked to you the last days and, unfortunately,  it was not because I was busy with work. On the contrary, only students, but I was a little too down to write.
No, I still don't have work but I am sure I've done everything in my power so now it's up to God.
I sit down and wait and while waiting I take care of my house, myself and my dog.
In 9 days my daughter will be here.
Isn't it wonderful?
I started doing a journal for all my blessings and also meditating.
I don't want to take medicine for depression anymore.
You know, it's frightening not knowing if I am going to have money to pay my bills. It's easier said than done to believe and let everything in God's hands and not worry, but I swear I am trying.
Another problem that makes me sad is Jack, my dog.
He is old and has problems on his back paws. Sometimes he just can't walk and crawls and it is a terrible thing to see.
This isn't the only problem he has. He has problems in his eyes and he has a poor hearing.
But he is still happy, and joyful and I just don't have the heart to put him to sleep.
Sometimes I wish I had somebody to help me take decisions but...there's nobody.
The other day I was thinking - if I die here it can take days for people to realize I am dead.
Some days I just don't leave the house so it's normal for my neighbours and the concierge not seeing me for two or three days.
My friends, they normally talk to me on the weekends.
Ok, if it is a class day my students are going to realize something is wrong but I don't know what they could do.
Also, my daughter she calls me every day. I have to send her my friends phone number so people can try to get in.
Not that I believe I am going to die soon, but... we never know.
Yesterday I saw a video you published on FB and you said you were in Chicago.
Have you not moved yet or are you going to live in Colorado and Chicago alternating?
Or maybe it was just a recorded video you had done a long time ago.
Here in Brazil, we are still having so many problems in politics that it is hard to believe things are going to change anytime soon.
I went to the streets with many other people to protest against the government.
We do need things to change or we are not going to see out economy getting better anymore.
President Obama is in Cuba.
What a progress you American people have made these last years in the matters of relationship with countries you had problems with.
First Russia, now Cuba.
I hope from the bottom of my heart that you are not going to have Trump as president because he will destroy everything president Clinton and Obama made.
Anyway, I am not an expert in politics.
Oprah, I hope you have a wonderful week.
God bless you.

Dear Oprah

Things are pretty bad here in Brazil.
I am very depressed despite trying very hard not to be.
I pray and pray and pray because there's nothing else to do.
Translations are very sparse and I have money issues. As long as I can I don't leave home so I am not going to spend any money.
But for me, the worse is feeling useless. When I work I don't have time to worry or to feel anything.
But I am trying to be positive. Praying and reading good books.
Yesterday I went to my student's home and I feel so sad for him because he's going to be forced (because of the economy) to leave his fiancée here and move back to his hometown, which is quite far.
They are wonderful people and I love them dearly.
Also, my friend in San Diego is having a hard time. Her dog died and her husband is travelling abroad do she has to deal with her three grieving kids alone.
The older kids (11 and 8) can understand but her 3-year-old boy...
I guess we are all having a hard time lately.
What makes me even more sad is that without money I am not going to visit my son.
I miss him so much.
He gives me the best hug a mother could ask.
When he hugs me I feel like nothing bad can touch me.
In fact, I think that it's like when his father hugged me.
Sometimes all we need is a hug, isn't it?
I have a trick, tough.
I close my eyes and imagine Jesus hugging me.
Jesus taking me in his arms and making me feel better.
Assuring me that everything is going turn out fine.
And it is.

Dear Oprah

There are some things I am jealous of you.
For example, you've got to know some incredible people personally, like Bill and Hillary Clinton, Ellen DeGeneres, Stevie Wonder, Paul McCartney and I don't know if you have met James Taylor and Carly Simon but if you did I am certainly even more jealous.
But, the people you've met and see frequently that I envy the most are President Barack Obama and the First Lady Michelle Obama.
I deeply admire them not only because they are the President and the First Lady but mostly because the people they show to be day by day.
Every time I see President Obama speak I think:"Why I wasn't born in the USA?", "Why can't I have the honor to say that he is "my" president?"
You know, every day I pray for Trump not win the American elections. Your people don't deserve I jerk like him.
America does not deserve a clown as president.
Here in Brazil, we are so screwed.
The worst feeling is that we cannot see the end of the tunnel. It is like we are always going to be this country full of possibilities administered by thieves who are empowered by people who just don't care.
I wish I could just go away.
Every day I thank God that my kids they were able to run away. To find a better place to live; a place where they can develop themselves.
Another weekend is coming.
Tomorrow my friends that's the double wedding I told you about.
I don't want to go but I am going anyway.
It's my God-daughter and I love her and I love her family so...

The YouTube Interview with President Obama

Dear Oprah

It's been a while since the last time I felt paralyzed by fear.
Yes, it happened before and it is happening now.
I don't know how to live without a thousand things to get done at the same time and no translation, few students, no money, and the weight ever problem.
Is it going to be different at least once in my life?
If only I had money I would travel.
Yes, I would go to Quebec right now visit my son.
It's funny because last year, this time, I was struggling to make my mom healthy, comfortable. I was like crazy going from a doctor to another.
She wouldn't eat and we tried everything.
I would work as crazy and yet prepare for her the soup she loved.
It was hard. It was terrible.
Sometimes I feel like my life went from super fast to too calm and I really don't know what to do.
Most of the time I don't know what to do.
I tried praying. I ask God to show me a way but nothing comes. I know He is answering me but I don't know how to listen. Or maybe I don't know how to decoded his message.
Sometimes I hate being me.
I've been alone for so long, taking my decisions all by myself, without anyone to help find the good path.
And I'm getting old. How am I supposed to star anew for the hundredth time at 58?
I don't know.
Pray for me Oprah.
Pray for me!

Dear Oprah

I'm sad!
I am very very sad.
On Saturday my God-daughter and her sister are getting married. They are my dear friends' daughters and, of course, I am invited.
Buta I am fat.
I am obese.
I have nothing to wear and even when I find something I look like a mattress with a rope in the middle.
It's so unfair.
I don't eat a lot. I swear.
I don't eat hamburgers and french fries on a regular basis, only occasionally. I don't eat a loaf of bread, or butter, or even mayo.
I love sweets but even that I don't eat as a crazy person.
I don't eat a box of chocolate.
Not even a bar.
Ok, I don't exercise. I hate exercises and I am lazy.
I have a slow metabolism and I should eat as a bird for not exercising and don't be fat.
As I told you before I am a widow, my kids live in another country, my mother passed away last year and I have few friends.
I love my life. It's not a burden for me to be single or to be alone.
I love reading and watching movies and I do love my work as a translator and as a teacher.
So I don't understand why I have to be so fat.
Why do I have to pay this price?
I tried everything and of course, for a while, it works.
WW? Yes, I tried.
And medicine and all the crazy diets you can imagine.
The only thing I've never tried was to spend the day in the gym.
My arms are like a mass of cellulite and my thighs... They look like an old tree with all the trunk full of nodes.
I guess I have cellulite even in my brain.
So, yes, I am unhappy. I am disgusted of myself, I am sad and desperate.
And on Saturday I probably won't go to the wedding. I probably will stay home feeling miserable.
My mother used to say that I have breasts on my back.
I love her but she could be mean.
She used to say that I shouldn't wear white from head to toe because I would look like a refrigerator.
Before getting married I was on a diet so strict that I was extremely thin in order to be able to wear my wedding dress and not look like one

Dear Oprah

You have no idea what it is to live in a country where you know you are being robbed by those who were supposed to provide you education, health, a home.
We pay our taxes and they just make schemes to pick our money as if we didn't need it.
It's disgusting.
I live constantly in fear of how am I going to live tomorrow.
I don't have fancy clothes or shoes and I don't care. I really don't.
But I would love to have money to visit my son.
I told you I miss him so much.
My daughter is coming visit me by the end of the month.
I can't wait to hug and kiss my baby girl.
She's a brave young woman. I admire her a lot.
She's so much smarter than I am.
And I love my son in law so much! He's a wonderful husband and I'm sure he's going to be a great daddy one day.
Yes, you guessed right. I don't have any translation to do today and I am here, struggling not to go to the kitchen and eat something I should not.
How hard it is to be on a diet.
I hate dieting. I hate not being able to eat whatever I want and drink and just be happy.
Tell me, what do I have left?
I have no money, few friends, my kids are living far from me, something a don't have much work so...what do I have for me instead of eating?
Sometimes life sucks.

Dear Oprah

It's been a while but as you know I was working.
I was working but not enough.
Not enough to keep me from my thoughts, not enough to bury me under the craziness of deadlines that I love.
You know why I love it, don't you?
The more I have free time the more I feel lonely.
I am fat. Obese. My friends always want to go out to eat something or drink something which is going to make me fatter.
I miss my children.
Especially my son. Because I talk to my daughter every day and even if I talk to my son on the phone is not the same.
He needs some time to open up.When we are alone, maybe drinking some beer or wine and smoking a cigarette. Then he'll open up.
I also have money problems.
I work and work and work and I swear to God that I don't buy clothes, shoes, nothing fancy. I only buy food and dog food and pay the bills for the house and when I look all my money is gone.
I would like to travel.
I was thinking what would it be like to be you.
To be able to say: "I'm bored so I'm going to Thailand for a few days".
You can do that. You have more than enough money to do that.
You also have lots of projects that consume your time.
And a husband.
It's funny because maybe you love your husband but I don't feel you do.
I'd say he's more a good friend you live with than a husband but what do I know?
I have never been in the same room with you.
Anyway, you have a husband, and dogs, and houses, and projects, and probably lots of friends and family.
You are not the big fat teacher/translator from nowhere in Brazil who spends her free time writing a silly blog nobody reads.
Yet, it helps me put things in perspective.
Tomorrow will be another day.
Maybe with some more bills to pay, maybe with some more work.
But as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow I will still be lonely.

Dear Oprah

I think I'm not a good person, you know?
Let me explain.
Sometimes when not very nice things happen to people who did me wrong I really don't feel sorry for them.
I have a friend, she is much younger than me. She could be my daughter but she's my friend.
She's funny and I like to be with her.
But at the same time, she's terribly immature.
Sometimes even her kids who are teenagers are more mature than she is.
In order to help her with money sometimes I pass her some of the translations I have and when she sends it back to me there is always mistakes. Mistakes that would easily be corrected if she only tried to pass the orthographic corrector they have on Word (Microsoft Office).
She 's careless and negligent and I always end up having to spend a lot of time on a work I'll be paying.
And I always pay her. Always!
Well, finally she applied for an agency to be a translator (subtitles) and was approved (I was with her when she did the test and helped her). Now I have to say, she really needs to make more money because her ex-husband doesn't help and she has to pay for everything.
I work for the same agency.
Last week she received her first assignment. She has to deliver it next Tuesday (today is Sunday).
A friend of hers on Wednesday send a message proposing a barbecue party at her parents this Sunday.
I told her to be sure she would have time enough to finish her work because her client is counting on her.
She was really excited about the party and said that it won't be a problem.
Last night, at 3 in the morning she sent me a message asking if I would go to the party and I said no because I also have a movie to translate to deliver on Tuesday.
This morning she sends me a message saying that it was a bad idea to have the barbecue party because the work is more difficult than she expected and now she was worried if she was going to be able to deliver it in time.
I didn't even answered her message.
I think that she has to suffer to understand how difficult it was for me to deal with her bad work when  I needed it properly done.
Or my other friend who always calls me when she's broke and can't go out with her other friends.
She asks me to go to her place because she doesn't have money to go out and I always have lots of good movies on my computer.
Why can't she come to my house?
At the end, I realize that I really enjoy my company.
I spend all weekend at home with my dog, my work, my books and it's enough for me.
The thing is, I went to all the parties I wanted, I had real fun with people once in my life and nowadays I only want the real thing. I want to be loved and not used.
Maybe I am not a good person but I do think that these women if they suffer a little they will learn a lot about how life really is.
Tonight the Oscar.

Dear Oprah

Writing oyu twice in a day?
Well, it shows how disturbed sometimes I can be.
I went out to have dinner with a friend and her daughter. My friend says I'm grumpy and I am not.
No, not grumpy. Sad? Probably.
Tomorrow would be my husband birthday.
So what? It's been 20 years since we last celebrated his birthday.
He would be 63 years old tomorrow.
How would my life have been if he was alive?
That's something I'll never know.
So, are you going to the Oscar?
I'd love to know your favorite movie this year.
My favorite is Spotlight but I know that it won't win.
I do believe it will be The Revenant and that this time DiCaprio is going to take the well deserved statue home.
He's a fantastic actor.
I hated Titanic but he was great even then.
Spotlight is my favorite because I would love to see all the hypocrits in this world in jail.
Not only priests.
I was raised as a Catholic and I certainly am Christian but what people do using religion is despisable.
In fact if we think what people with any kind of power are able to do with those who are under said power is nauseating.
Maybe that the reason I am so afraid of Donald Trump becoming president.
He would humiliate those he dislike.
He would be a big cancer for America.
We have one of those here in Brazil.
In fact, we have lots of them in politics. They are disgusting.
Sometimes I would love to live not only in another country but in another planet.
How can people be so mean?

Dear Ophah

Hi dear!
Another crazy week went by and I worked as a mad one but oh so happy because as long as I am doing what I like I'm happy.
I hate mean people. People who are rude to others with no reason. Plain mean people.
So I was wondering how is it possible that so many Americans are supporting Donald Trump.
He plays the crazy one but I don't think he's crazy. I think he is simply rude. Almost cruel.
And he enjoys it.
I certainly pray asking God to spare the world for him being the president of the most important nation in the world.
With him we are certainly heading to World War III.
I saw a picture of you today.
You look fantastic.
Being Weight Watcher's associate really helped you to lose weight.
I should join it. I really should.

Dear Oprah

I'm not a good person.
Yeah! I'm not!
Sometimes I just wish I could move to the moon, or Mars and be left alone.
People are tiring.
I'm really unhappy with my life this week. That's why I need to be submerged with work.
When I don't have a lot of work I think and when I think I'm not happy.
Even if I prayed a lot for work it didn't come and I think is not coming till the end of the day.
Tomorrow is my aunt 91st birthday and I don't want to go to the party.
There are several reasons but the most important one is that when my mom was sick they didn't care to come visit her.
Nobody came give me a hand.
Ever!
And my brother, he hasn't seen me since my mom died 9 months ago. He didn't make an effort to come see me or even to invite me to visit him.
Now he wants me to bring him tomorrow at the party an air conditioning he bought to my mom.
The only reason he wants to see me is because of the air conditioning.
Fuck him.
And fuck everybody.
I am not going.
I don't have to be nice to people that are not nice to me.

Dear Oprah

I'm sad today.
I don't know exactely why but I feel sad.
I miss my mom.
It's been 9 months since she passed away.
All my life I could count on ther. We spent the last 20 years together in this house.
I worked, she took care of the house.
The last 10 years I took care of her because she had a stroke and later, when she got better she had some heart troubles and broke her leg and had câncer.
But she was so funny and when I got sad and depressed she would pray for me and I believed when she prayed because, I don't know, it was like God listend to her.
Sometimes I feel so...powerless.
Like I never know what my life is going to be tomorrow.
I'm 58 years old. I'm not getting any younger and every day is a struggle.
Well, enough of my pity party right?

Dear Oprah

Gosh I worked as a dog the last few days.
I translated and subtitled 3 movies in a week. It's a lot.
We don't realize how much people talk on movies and series but they talk really much.
Not in French movies though.
Despite my French origins I don't like most of the French movies.
Ok, let me be honest - There are few French things I like and most of them is food or wine.
My great grand-mother was French and my husband was French.
I lived in France for 6 years.
The worse 6 years in my life.
Today, 21 years after I left France, I realize that my time there was so bad because I was young, I wasn't realistic and I expected people there to be kind to me.
Most of French people are not kind.
They don't mean to be rude, they just are. Even among themselves.
My husband's family wasn't kind to me at all. They were outraged because he was married to a Brazilian girl.
To tell you the truth if I were from Belgium or Switzerland it would be the same. The thing is - I am not French.
In their narrowed mind French people should marry French people. Period.
My father-in-law would say to me that my kids were French and when I replied that both of them were born in Brazil he came "If a cat gives birth in the oven are her kittens cookies?".
For six years they showed me every time they were able that I wasn't welcome there.
The funny thing is that after my husband died they started to be very very kind to me.
It was crazy.
Then I realized that their grandchildren were living with me.
It was up to me to keep them in contact with their French family.
And I did it.
My kids would phone their grandparents every week, spend summer vacations and Christmases with them, never forget a French family birthday.
Because to me what is important is not where you were born- family is family.
My parents in law adored my son.
He was their favorite.
And that's to say a lot because they had 16 grandchilden.
My son is the second. He has always been the apple of my father-in-law eyes.
My son was the first to go to the university and got an engineering degree, as it was my father in law greatest dream - to have an engineer in the family. Don't ask me why.
He was dead by the time Patrick - my son - got his degree but I'm sure wherever he is he was so proud.
Well, I definitely am get old. Most of my time here is talking to you about old times.
But, never mind. We can consider it my memoirs.
Hope you have a wonderful day Oprah.

Dear Oprah

No! I didn't forget you. No way!
I've been working very very hard.
Last week I had a little more than 48 hours to translate and subtitle a 102 minutes movie.
But what a movie!
If you can go see "Misconduct" with sir Anthony Hopkins and Al Paccino.
It was the best movie I've worked on till now.
But I worked 30 hours straight. I barely stopped to eat and shower.
After I delivery the movie I received another one, a documentary for Netflix, 80 minutes and I have to send it back on Wednesday morning.
And I have a movie-test to send back on the 15th, If I pass this test I'll be working with a huge company here in Brazil but as a freelancer.
I don't want ever again to be someone's employee.
But I know that we should never say never.
My daughter decided to come visit me for a week in April.
We are going together to Coldplay concert.
Talking about Coldplay, have you seen the Super Bowl last night?
I was amazed to see Lady Gaga singing the American anthem. It was extraordinary.
And the Half-Time concert was really one of the best.
Gosh I cried!
I just love Coldplay and Bruno Mars and even if I'm not Beyoncé biggest fan I thing she's a great artist.
Oh, I need to tell you something: as I know you are such a crazy reader as I am I have a book to recommend you, if you haven't read it yet - Hidden Secrets by Carolyn Brown.
I loved it.
It's very well written and the story of 4 generation women that suddenly start to live together is beautiful.
I'm sure you are going to enjoy.
I haven't heard anything about you these days so I don't know if you have already moved to Colorado or not.
My brother, sister-in-law and three nieces are in Vail, Co this week.
They went there to ski and enjoy some cold weather instead of the hell's heat we are having here in Brazil these days.
Here is Carnaval.
I hate Carnaval!
Ok, so now I'm going to attack back my work.
I hope you have a wonderful week.
Love you, Oprah.

Dear Oprah

What a day!
It's hot in Brazil.
Not warm! No! Really hot!
And I had lots of errands to do so I spent part of my day on the streets, going from the bank to the post office from the post office to the supermarket and so on...
Anyway I prefer days like these than staying home doing nothing.
I didn't receive any translation today but I'm pretty optimistic that it will come.
Also I thought of you today when I did two not very smart things. I mean, not that I thought of you because they weren't smart things but I thought I would love to share with you.
I was always very angry with my mom when she would put something to cook on the stove and went to sit in front of television and ended to forget about the pan on the stove and not only the food was burnt but also the pan.
Well, today, after the food was ready and on its conteiner, I put some water and detergent on the pan and put it on the stove so it was going to be easier to clean later. But my smartphone rang and I went to pick it up on my bedroom and then I sat in front of my computer and... of course I forgot about the pan. I just realized that something was wrong when I smelled something burning.
Well, now I have a black black pan.
And also I was always telling my mom to pay attention whe she bent to pick something on the lower kitchen cabinets leaving a door on the upper cabinet opened because she could hit her head and as she was an old lady it could be really dangerous.
Can you guess what I did?
Exactly! I opened an upper cabinet door didn't closed it and bent to pick something on the lower cabinet. Bang!
I hit my head so hard that I almost fell down.
I was angry with myself but could not help a good laugh thinking my mother was laughing in Heaven.
Or, as my daugther says: Karma is a bitch.
I hope you had a great day,
It's pretty early on the USA so you still have some time to enjoy your day.

Dear Oprah

So it was your birthday on the 29th and I didn't say a word. What a good friend I am!
Happy Birthday Oprah. May your days be blessed with health and happiness.
I really forgot about your birthday and just remembered because I saw a photo you published on Instagram.
I love everybody's birthday but mine.
I can remember two good celebrations on my 58 years.
Once, it was my husband's cousin birthday party (my birthday is on the 9th and hers on the 7th and as the 9th was on a saturday the party had place exactly on my birthday) and nobody knew it was my birthday. I forbade him to tell anyone that it was my birthday and we had a great time.
Another time I was in Rio de Janeiro because one of my friends was publishing her book and she was going to autograph books in a very important bookstore in Rio. Later we went to a bar and one of her friends that I had just met went to a bakery nearby and bought me a cup cake with a single candle and we stayed there singing, drinking and laughing all night long.
I know I'm not very kind saying this but I also hate Christmas and New Year's Eve.
I used to love Christmas when my husband was alive but after he passed away...
New Year's Eve is even worse. I can't see the point on what people think is so important to make so much noise, throw parties, fireworks, etc. if the next day everything is exactly the same.
I am cynical. I know but there's nothing I can do about it.
My daughter says I am too realistic. That I don't dream.
I dream!
God I have many dreams!
Sometimes my dreams come true.
Last September I travelled to Hawaii.
That was one of my dreams.
When I was a kid my parents used to watch Hawaii 5-0. The original, do you remember it?
That's when Hawaii became an obsession for me.
I had to visit that place and see all that incredible beaches and forests and volcanos.
We (my daugther, son-in-law and me) spent 10 days there. 5 in Maui and 5 in Oahu.
I read that you have a house in Maui. Lucky you!
Maui is more than words can say about it.
If I could choose a place to end my days it would be there.
I liked Honolulu. It's beautiful but Maui is... everything!
I prefer a million times spending my money travelling than throwing parties to celebrate my birthday.
Even my wedding was very very simple because my husband thought exactly like me: travelling is more important than parties.
When I'm going to buy anything I ask myself if I really need it (everything but books) and if the answer is no the money goes straight to my savings for a trip.
I would love to travel the world.
And travelling for me is not staying in fancy five star hotels. Of course I like a comfortable room and beautiful surroundings but I am as happy with a clean room with bathroom and clean sheets.
I love going to places where locals go. Cafés, restaurants, squares.
Visiting museums and historical places is important but what I really like is to observe how people live around me.What they like doing. Where their kids play. Where their old ones like to get together.
My husband was a traveller just like me. Together we visited many countries and sometimes we travelled by motorcycle.
They were the travels I liked the most.
We never booked hotel rooms. Never. We would simply jump in the car or moto and go and when we got to the chosen place we tried to find a room.
Once we went to Barcelona during the Olympic Games and Gosh we had to travel 200 km further to find a place to spend the night.
The problem was that we had tickets to the games opening so we travelled 1000 km from Paris to Barcelona (we stopped in Andorra for 2 hours), arrived in Barcelona for the opening ceremony and afterwards travelled 200 km to find a room to sleep just to go back to Barcelona the next day. (we were travelling on motorcycle).
And I swear I loved every second of that trip. Even if I was beaten tired it was fantastic.
I love Spain.
I have never been to Portugal but from all the European countries I've travelled Spain is my favorite.
Today is Sunday. I went to the market, made something to eat for lunch and after I read.
Now I'm going to watch a movie I downloaded and wait for Monday.
I hope you have a wonderful Sunday.

Let's get started

Dear Oprah,
You don't know me.
Of course, you don't know me I am in Brazil you are in the USA and our lives couldn't be more disparate.
But I'm a fan like probably millions of others you have around the world and I'd really really like to be your friend, you know, the kind of a friend we sit together to have a cup of coffee and talk about everything and nothing?
The kind of a friend we can weep over for the most stupid reason and she/he will never say that is stupid?
Well, I think you got it.
I don't know if you have friends like this. I don't!
Oh yes I do have friends and some of them, most of them are amazing but I don't have a friend who I can call at 3 AM and say that I am afraid thinking what the future has for me.
I don't have a friend who understands that sometimes I just want to sit beside her/him without talking, just being there.
I'm a pretty funny 58-year-old lady.
I have two fantastic kids: a boy, Patrick, 29 and a girl Marie Louise, 27.
Patrick has been living in Quebec for almost three years now. He's an engineer and married to an awesome woman, Eline. She's Brazilian and when first she went to live there with him I really didn't think she was going to stay. You know, she didn't speak French or English, she didn't have a job and her parents and sister are here in Brazil so... But when I say she's awesome is because she proved to be a stronger and more determined woman than I thought was possible. Within 2 years she learned French and English and got a job. She faces the tough weather with a smile and most importantly she loves my son.
Marie Louise has been in the USA for 6 years and been married to Philipp for almost 4 years now.
She went to the States as an au pair and was supposed to stay two years but then she met Phillip and...
The American family she went to live with became our family. I love them deeply.
My daughter is one of the most outstanding people I've known.
She's brave, compassionate, witty and she never, ever gives up no matter how hard her objective is.
Os course sometimes we disagree, sometimes we argue but I would like to be just like her when I grow up.
My husband passed away 20 years ago.
He was 43 I was 38 and the kids 9 and 7.
God, it was hard.
He had a heart attack at home, in the middle of the night and there was nothing to do to help him.
He was the love of my life and these last 20 years I went out with some men but there's no point.
I still love him and I still feel like I am married to him so I don't even try to find another love.
I am a teacher. I teach English and French and I am also a translator. Mostly I translate and subtitle series and movies but also some technical documents.
When I was a kid my parents made me study languages and today I am so grateful because not only  I love what I do but mostly because I can travel all over the world and communicate.
I have a Business diploma and I worked as an assistant manager for many years for G.E. but I have to say, I never loved working with business.
When my husband died my mother came living with me so she could look after my kids while I was working.
My parents were pretty old when I was born. My father was 48 and Mom 37. I have a brother 4 years younger than me.
Last year my mother died at 94.
Her last 3 years were hard on both of us.
I spent most of my time taking care of her so I didn't go out, or had much time for myself. But I'm not complaining. It was a privilege being by her side.
She was funny, compassionate and never complained about anything.
So, I've been completely alone for 9 months now.
I work, I go out from time to time with some friends, I take care of Jack, my 13-year-old Pug and read.
Now I have to tell you that you are the reason I got my first Kindle.
Yeah, I was watching your program and you were talking about how wonderful it was to be able to travel with hundreds of books on a single device and I was like "Oh my God I have to have one of these".
Of course, we didn't have Kindle in Brazil at that time and the price in dollars was well above my budget.
For months, I dreamed about it then one day my brother's friend died and this guy had one and his family didn't want to keep it so my brother asked if it was ok for me to have it and they agreed.
I am now on my fourth Kindle. I even have a spare one because I'm utterly addicted to it.
What do I read?
Almost only about love. Love stories, sexy stories.
Why? Because I am so lonely.
There's one thing, only one thing I've wanted most of my life Oprah: for people to see me. To really see me.
For them to see who I am, how I feel.
When I was 20 I used to sing. I'm a damn good singer. I really am.
I wanted to sing professionally but I was not brave enough to go against my father so... I took the easier road: to study something I didn't give a damn about, find a good enough job and try to be happy.
Let's be honest I was lucky because I always worked on good jobs, I met my husband, had my kids, I traveled more than a lot of people.
The thing is, since my husband died I became invisible.
I even joke about it calling myself "The invisible woman".
For many years, I was the mom, the person who worked to bring bread to their table. The daughter who tried to manage a job, a house, a sick mother, 2 young people, a cat and a dog.
My friends say that I am strong.
They know nothing.
I am not strong. 99% of the time I am just playing a role. Inside I am a mess.
But I am so tired of being invisible and I don't know what to do Oprah for people see me?
Do we always have to tell? Can't people just look at us and see?
I have a friend, she has been my friend for more than 30 years.
She's 60 and single. She's an engineer, has a very good job, makes good money.
She calls me every week. Every single week.
Despite the fact that we've been living in different cities for 20 years we sometimes meet: always in São Paulo where she lives.
Do I invite her to come to my house?
Of course, I do. But... she has never come.
I've lived here for 20 years and she has never come visit me.
She was on my mom funeral as I was at her parents funeral. She was on my son's graduation party and we go out to a movie or dinner together but always I have to go to where she lives.
The same I can say about my cousins.
Look I live 100 km from them (62 miles) let's be sincere, it's not far at all.
They are always saying they miss me but they want me to go to them. Always.
Maybe there's something wrong with me.
I don't know.
There was a time where I thought I had many friends but it's a long story.
So, Oprah, despite our lives completely different, despite the fact that you are never going to know me I decided that you are going to be my friend.
Better than having an imaginary friend, isn't it?
Why you and not somebody else?
Mainly because I consider you one of the most intelligent people alive. Not only intelligent but you seem to be someone who really really cares about others and that you have your head over your shoulders.
You are not affected to all this bullshit of money and fame.
Do you like money? Yeah. I'm sure you do. How could you not?
But money doesn't rule your life.
Would I like to have money? Sure! But sincerely I don't think it would change who I am inside. You know, this person who lives inside me? I don't think money or anything can change.
You help people and that's something I would love to do.
My daughter is dyslexic. She had a very hard time when she was a kid and I had to learn ways to help her.
I read all the literature about dyslexia and took classes at the Brazilian Association for Dyslexics to learn how to help her.
I worked from 6 AM to 6 PM and after that, I would study with her. Help her with her homework.
I can say that I kind of became an expert on learning disabilities and methods to help kids and adults to overcome their difficulties.
I would love to build a place to train teachers and parents to help those kids and adults.
In fact, there are so many things I would like to do but I don't know how I don't know where to start when I work almost 7 days a week to pay for my living.
Too many different subjects for a post, isn't it?
Well, anyway, the thing is Oprah, you have a new friend.
I am pretty sure you'll never call me at 3 AM to say you can't sleep and would like to chat or that I'll be able to go have a coffee with you but writing here even if you'll never read my lines I'm sure is gonna help me.
Thank you, Oprah.
God bless you.
Talk to you soon.